Earlier today I was looking through some random magazines at the grocery store. I decided to look at some teeny ones for laughs.

I laughed at many of the articles, not because they were funny, but because they were completely and utterly ridiculous. Here are some of the more memorable pieces of crap.

What His Clothes Say About Him!

Ooh, if he wears white sneakers, he must not be brave enough to express himself. NOT! It just shows that he likes the color white, maybe? Or perhaps it shows that he doesn’t care for giant rainbow striped ones. Maybe he just wanted simple shoes. His shoes don’t say jack about his personality beyond maybe what his favorite color is.

These kinds of “decoding guys” articles are pointless. No guy (and hopefully no girl, either) tries on a shirt and thinks, “Ooh, I’m going to buy this because it will show that I am very talkative” unless the shirt actually says “I am very talkative”.

Most Embarrassing Moments!

“OH MY GOD One day I wore this hot skirt that was like 4 inches long to school and I tripped and the hot football guy I liked could see my embarrassing underwear!!”

That’s not interesting, and neither are the 20 other similar ones displayed alongside it. Everybody has embarrassing moments that they want to forget, so why are they being published in a magazine for the world to see?

Your Monthly Horoscopes!

Now, is it just me, or is it a little weird that I seem to get a wonderful new boyfriend in July, get the attention of a cute guy in August, get a new “everlasting love” in September, and then in October rebound from my last horrible relationship with a “hot new hookup”? The stars in the sky don’t change positions every year, but that’s exactly what my future seems to be doing. Consistency please, almighty astrologists!

How To Flirt!

Smile, but not too big. Look up at him, but don’t look away until he does. Joke with him, but don’t make too much fun of him.

NO, DUH! All of the stuff in these sorts of articles is common sense. You don’t give the guy a death stare, and you don’t smile like Krusty the Klown. If somebody can’t figure these things out on their own, maybe they shouldn’t be trying to pick up guys.

So basically what I’m saying is these teeny magazines are full of junk. Even I, a member of their target audience, can see this.

This entry was posted on Saturday, March 15th, 2008 at 8:44 pm and is filed under Stupid, Rantings. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Comments are closed. Deal with it.